self coaching

You’ve done the work, and become a life coach. Things are going well for you, and then 💥BAM!💥 All of a sudden you find yourself in rough patch & you aren’t sure where to turn.

What if you coached yourself? Sure, you could hire your own professional coach, but you also have all of the coaching skills needed to help yourself through a rough time or even an up level. Typically your clients consist of coaching people through seasons that you have already been in, but for your own personal growth perhaps it is time to expand your personal life to continue your own journey to self mastery.

In the sections below, we will look at all aspects of self coaching, and how you can help your self coaching journey & your quest to become your best self. 👸🏻

What Is Self-Coaching?

Self coaching is a way for you to journey into your own inner workings & all of the things that make you who you are. To help you discover your own unique perspectives, and then use those limiting beliefs, your own emotional intelligence, & inner wisdom in order to emerge as the best version of who you are. Every time you use your self coaching techniques to work on your personal growth, you create more opportunities within your own life to overcome obstacles & achieve your goals in new ways.

Benefits of Self-Coaching

Overall, the benefits of self coaching are endless. But, mostly the biggest benefit is the self coaching journey itself. This particular journey will take you down roads with endless possibilities & ingrain an ever present inner coach to help you through your day to day life challenges. The more you practice your self coaching techniques, the quicker you will see results (it is important to not overdo the practice, however.)

For example, I personally coach myself in a designated coaching session once a week, which is the same amount of time I see my clients. I coach myself through 3 month intervals whenever I feel myself feeling anxious, in need of an up level, or just bored. After the 3 months is over, I take a break until I feel the need to utilize that set of coaching skills again.

In the sections below we will look at the top 5 areas self coaching helps.

1. The ability to increase & have a deeper understanding of self awareness & self reflection

  • Take out your journal & write down everything that makes you angry, happy, sad, frustrated, and anxious. This list doesn’t have to be long, but it should have a minimum of 5 things for each emotion for this exercise.
  • After you have made your list, ask yourself why the things on each list make you feel angry, happy, sad, frustrated, or anxious.
  • Make a note of your response next to each item
  • Now ask yourself what has triggered the particular emotion to rise up inside you & make note of those triggers

What we are doing by completing this exercise is learning the types of questions to start with when it comes to self coaching. As you list out these emotions, triggers, & explanations of reactions you are increasing your self awareness. When you speak these things aloud, or even just acknowledge/ confront them as you have in this exercise, your conscious brain becomes aware of these triggers and emotions as well. So, as you complete the exercise, if you notice that you would like to have a different reaction to something on your list, your brain will become aware of that. Thus, bringing a sort of 🛎️ DING 🛎️ to your consciousness when the event inevitably happens again. And giving you the opportunity to choose your reaction.

Your ability to enable self reflection, to create the list & acknowledge a need for change to your reactions in emotional situations becomes activated as well. You get a clear idea of positive action to take & spend time to create change in your own way & get an action plan together for how you would like to respond in the future.

⭐️ NOTE: if journaling is not your jam, you can also use this same practice in self guided meditations.

2. Gain a healthy work/ life balance

By learning to coach yourself, you are taking essential steps to discern what you are doing for yourself & what you are doing for your business. The short of it is that you have your own life, and your work is what you do because yes it brings you joy (hopefully 😉), but also it allows you to live your life. So, being able to balance the two is imperative to achieve success in all areas of life. Some examples of a healthy work/ life balance:

  • being able to say “no” when you are stretched too thin
  • taking time for yourself daily
  • having a set amount of time per day to devote to your work
  • turning off “work mode” after that set time is up
  • having an “I want to” list of daily tasks & spacing them out throughout your day- this includes everything in your day from how much time you want to dedicate to work & what you will do within that time, family commitments, what you are doing for yourself, activities, workout classes, etc.

If you are a recovering people pleaser, the concept of doing something for yourself daily may be completely foreign. I am guilty of this as well. A good place to start is to do a daily yoga practice. An even better place to start is with Brett’s 8 Day Detox Yoga Training Plan. This training will not only detox your body, but also help detox the people-pleasing habits & allow you to create space to do something for yourself each and every day.

3. Facilitate making better/ healthier choices & problem solving

Perhaps in your current state your method of both decision making & problem solving look like this:

💜 You’re at work and your supervisor comes into your office and tells you she is really overwhelmed with her workload. She asks what projects you have going on, and decides that your workload is less than hers. So, she does not hesitate to ask you if you will take on 1 or 2 of her time bound projects, and tells you they need to be completed ASAP. Without allowing you a chance to respond, she tells you she will forward you the details you need & to submit your work to her once completed for approval.

This is your career and she is your supervisor, so you just grit your teeth & watch your inbox for the details from her. Your focus suddenly goes from your own projects to the ones she needs completed because she has waited until the last minute to complete or re-assign them. Thus, you have to also decide her work is more important than your own.

After work you go out for happy hour with your best friend. She typically has a negative attitude about everything, and offers no helpful advice, and in fact her “solutions” would be quite challenging for you if you wanted to stay in your career. The result? You show up to work everyday feeling burned out, miserable, and counting down the minutes until you get to go home. 💜

Sound familiar? Self coaching will help us to better navigate challenges that look like this or similar. You will be able to STOP seeking advice, influence, & validation from anyone except for yourself. Your internal dialogue will begin to help get the results you want to achieve & reach your desired outcome. Using the current challenge listed above, your day will look more like this:

🧡You’re at work & your supervisor comes into your office & tells you she is really overwhelmed with her workload. She asks what projects you have going on, and decides that your workload is less than hers. So, she does not hesitate to ask you if you will take on 1 or 2 of her time sensitive projects, and tells you they need to be completed ASAP.

Before she has the chance to tell you she will send you the details you lovingly interject, “I am so sorry. Project H is really important to me & I’m working hard to make sure it looks good before I send it to you for approval. I am so sorry you are overwhelmed, but I have projects of my own that have to be completed in a timely manner. If I take on yours too, they either will not get done, or they will not be done with sufficient detail. I’m not okay with that.” She looks at you a little bit stunned, but appreciates your boundaries. 🧡

Your time is valuable as well & you do not deserve to be anything other than happy & joyful. You certainly do not need to be taken advantage of, & having boundaries is a sure way to help you make better choices & have more effective problem solving skills.

4. Higher self discipline & assured success.

AKA… overcoming burnout & making sure that you achieve the goals you want to achieve. You will be able to develop an ability to begin goal setting and then work backward using those goals to develop a game plan for success. By working this way to reach your goals, you will be able to monitor progress for yourself by setting up checkpoints along the way to check in with yourself. Knowing how you are going to reach your goals will make self discipline easier because you will have the new skill of taking intuitive action. Mostly, the days of running on a hamster wheel & doing things just to check them off a list will be gone. You will find you have more time for fun & feel into what you need to do for your lifestyle to be successful in every facet of life.

5. Propensity to be a more effective communicator & construct deeper connections

Being able to get to know who you are on a deep level will also allow you to become more connected with others more quickly. You will easily know who is for you & who you may need to limit your time & energy with. The powerful tool of being able to have conversations that are direct & to the point instead of beating around the bush or gossiping will become second nature to you. You will crave the people that make you alive & offer conversations that light you up & add value to your personal development.

The Self-Coaching Model

The self coach model is a tool to help you break down any challenge in your life & process the thoughts, feelings, & beliefs behind each particular challenge. It looks like this:

Circumstances ➡ Thoughts ➡ Feelings ➡ Actions ➡Results

This model can be used to help you with problem solving, get clear or gain new perspectives, and also help you move towards getting new results & desired outcomes in your life.

In the sections below we will take a closer look at 2 of the most effective types of self coaching with a step by step guide for how to use each one.

The GROW Model

According to MindTools, the GROW method is for people who are looking to act as facilitators for their own or someone else’s journey plan.

Essentially, it is a guideline that allows you to explore multiple routes to get to your end result and then, using those routes, determine which one will work best for you in your own coaching business or with yourself during your self coaching. Here is how it is structured:

  1. Goal (establishing the goal) → you acknowledge your outcome or the end result you would like to see. It is important to make this a SMART goal. So make sure it is Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time Bound. Questions to ask yourself when establishing your goals are things like:
    • How will you know when you have achieved your goal?
    • Is this aligned for your lifestyle & where you see your future self?
  2. Reality (examine your current reality) →get very clear & very specific on where you are right now. Be honest with yourself here & note anything that comes up for you. There is no wrong answer & no specific outline for what should or should not be included. Everything matters. When being honest about your current reality, consider:
    • What is your day to day like right now?
    • Who are you spending time & energy on? Which of these people take more energy from me than they give back to me?
    • Am I taking any steps towards reaching MY goals?
  3. Options (explore the options) → identify all of the available options/ ways you could potentially reach your goal. Things to ask yourself here are:
    • If I knew I could not fail, how would I reach my goal?
    • What are all the ways I could realistically achieve this goal?
    • What are the pros & cons of each of the methods listed?
    • What changes do I need to make in my life in order to reach this goal?
  4. Will (establish the will) → self motivation is what this aspect is all about. You will now commit to one of the options you listed & use it to move forward & toward your goal you created. Ask yourself
    • What will I do now to make sure I reach my goal & what will I do when I have met it?
    • What potential obstacles could come up & how will I deal with them?
    • How can I stay motivated?
    • Determine when you will evaluate & self regulate your progress towards your goal.

The ABCDE model

The Institute of Clinical Hypnosis signifies this model is for those of you that would like to focus more on your beliefs & your reactions to certain triggers that may arise. This model is used to identify the situations & triggers, and then develop an action plan to reprogram yourself & learn to have a different reaction to certain situations.

  • A → Activating Event: this the event, circumstance, or situation that is setting everything off for you. EX: Your significant other sends you a text that says the two of you need to talk. You start sweating & running through every recent conversation or action to figure out what they may want to talk to you about.
  • B → Beliefs: can be either specific or general, but overall these beliefs refer to how you perceive your reality. EX: (continued from “A”) You immediately begin to assume the conversation is centered around something you have said or done.
  • C → Consequence: your reaction to the activating event with both feelings & behaviors. EX: You have feelings of self doubt, unworthiness, & anxiety.
  • D → Disrupting irrational beliefs: dispute/ question why you are having those feelings of self doubt, unworthiness, & anxiety to get to the root cause of why those are your beliefs to this situation
  • E → Effective new beliefs: begin the process of shifting into new beliefs of confidence, happiness, & that everything is always working out for you. Before you can fully be rid of this kind of trigger, you have to first acknowledge it & tell yourself all of the reasons those beliefs about yourself are not true.

Self-Coaching From The Yogic Perspective

Yogic self coaching is a holistic way to unite your spirit, mind, and body to create change that lasts, develop a new way to practice goal setting, & address limiting beliefs that are holding you back. By allowing energy of all kinds to move through your body & constantly checking in with your body, you are in a state of self coaching by monitoring progress whenever you participate in your yoga practice. Being that yoga & the yogi lifestyle allows you space to exercise self regulation, utilizing self coaching skills will give you the opportunity to enhance your self awareness & notice where your body needs attention- both on a physical & mental level.

A good way to start self coaching on a yogic level is to join Brett’s 300/500 Hour Yoga Teacher Training. Being able to self coach on a physical and emotional level will make for a more balanced life & coaching business. Your self awareness & self motivation will increase as well. Add being a yoga teacher to your self coaching technique for a real mind, body, soul experience & get results faster.

Benefits of Yogic Self Coaching

  • have a better relationship with your mind & body
  • step into the strong & empowered woman you always saw yourself as
  • see a clear life purpose with the ability to include plenty of both fun & focus
  • increased confidence as a qualified coach, live in alignment with your highest self & intuition
  • ability to stay motivated in new ways, evolve your coaching technique, thrive with self improvement
  • higher inner wisdom, make changes in your life, & reach your goals
  • blasting limiting beliefs through physical & mental practices that reflects your self development overall
  • making your own life terms & then unapologetically living your life on those terms

Yoga Self-Coaching

Ways to effectively yogic self coach:

Know Your Interests

There is a self coaching method known as the wheel of life method in which participants essentially make a pie chart of how they spend their day. Here’s how it works:

  • make a list categorizing your activities in your day & how much time you spend within each category
  • now make a pie chart using the data above
  • evaluate your day & how you spend your time
  • now make a list of any categories you would like to see on the pie chart, but are not currently on there
  • brainstorm how you can make room for those “wish list” categories throughout your day & start to carve out time from an existing category to ensure you are implementing that category into your day

Set Goals For Yourself

Where would you like to see yourself 6 weeks from now? 6 months? 1 year?

Create A Personal Development Plan

Use one of the methods (GROW or ABCDE) listed above, and use that to help you work towards your goals.

To ensure you are not steering too much into your masculine energy whilst completing this task, take a look at Divine Feminine Energy. Because if you are anything like me, logical tasks like planning can cause me to stay way too much in my masculine energy. Then, I am left with burn out much quicker because I did not leave space for my feminine, the slowness, & the integration to take place.

Hold Yourself Accountable

You are part of your support system, and anyone within your support system would know that when it comes to self development you have to hold yourself accountable. You have to show up for yourself & have a way of doing so. Will you have a daily task list? Will you feel each day & be okay with knowing even if you only took one step towards your goal that that was enough? Regardless of how you choose to hold yourself accountable, prepare a method for how you will do so for those times when your shadow self shows up.

Closing Thoughts

Whether you are looking to change behaviors, release some of your limiting beliefs, increase capacity for your own personal realms, lead by example with reaching your goals, or process how to bring your higher self more into the light… self coaching is the way to go. Go into this practice in a place of full surrender knowing that your higher self supports you & wants you to boldly step a little closer to becoming her. You & her both know what you are made for, and it is so much more than where you are right now. Your next step is just to start. Make a vision board of 5-10 things you would like to have in your life within the next year. Then, make a plan of ways you can make sure those things actually come to fruition. Choose a place to start, & RUN. Full steam ahead. You got this. 🙌🏻

Ashlie Franey

About the Author | Ashlie Franey

Ashlie Franey is a Woman Rising. She is a Higher Self & Identity Coach helping women to bridge the gap from their current selves to their future selves. Using her RISE method, her clients learn to step into their power & begin to fully embody the woman they want to be.

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